Dating as a polyamorous woman brings with it a lifetime's worth of misconceptions and jealousies. Add a few extra layers of fat to that experience, and things can get depressing real fast. As a non-single, fat, polyamorous woman, I can't tell you how often I've been questioned about my confidence, self-worth, who I am, and why I'm into what I'm into. And I'm not the only one who feels this way. For anyone who's going to date a fat woman at some point in their life, here are some tips for not ruining your chances to get with all this.

I was 16, a size 14 and it was —long before body positivity hit the mainstream or my Tumblr feed. Now, as a year-old woman wearing a size 20, sex has changed year after year as my body has gotten bigger and the dating pool has gotten smaller. Before fucking someone new, I feel the need to address my fatness before we meet. I think this is what some guys were hoping would happen too. Avoiding belly touching makes it all the more obvious that the belly is there. If you want to fuck me, fuck all of me. I can see it on your lips.

My mam has always wished she could be as skinny as she was the first time she thought she was fat - and I often wish the same for my sex life. Not necessarily that I wish I was skinny as I was when I first started banging, but I wonder how my sex life would differ if I'd stayed as thin as I was then. My first five fuck buddies, when I was 16 and a size 14, only banged me if I was fully dressed or off my face. These guys were not at the same time, but in quick succession, because as much as I hated my body back then, I have always adored getting railed. What these men did have in common, however, was their own slimness, or the kind of weight that was deemed acceptable on a guy but never a girl and not even a teenage girl from a fat family with an eating disorder to boot.

His voice was deep and his pants rode low, sitting on his hips hips I would soon know well, in the biblical sense. I also currently have a body-positive partner who unapologetically adores me with a passion and humility that warms my heart every single day. Derek is my neighbor, though we met online. Calling myself a BBW is new to me. It feels scary, but good — really, really good.